Stations of the Cross, Trump style, and other snarky Easter weekend thoughts

First, that Trumpy-style Stations of the Cross, as inspired by the actual:

1. The media has condemned me.
2. I bear the #FakeNews cross.
3. I need my cracker before I fall.
4. I met myself.
5. Pence will carry this fucking cross.
6. Veronica is sitting on my face (and telling me that she loves me).
7. Celebrity Jesus Apprentice, that's me. Or maybe it's him. I'm the final prophet.
8. Met Bibi in Jerusalem.
9. Two Corinthians says the world will fall for me.
10. Sold my undies for bigger tax write-off than Bill and Hillary.
11. #MAGA nailed it!
12. Die? I'm TRUMP!
13. Hannity takes me on his show.
14. They place me in O'Reilly's man cave. Loofahs for all in three days!

There's also surely a joke or six about the Tenebrae. Trump's thought processes have been self-extinguished from outside illumination for some time. But he's not a penitent, let alone a flagellating member of the Penitentes, at all.

And for Dan Patrick:

I have a GREAT idea for #GoodFriday and #EasterSunday. You sign yourself up for a #DeathPanel, take action today, and see if the economy is resurrected in three days, OK?

Palin: ‘Going Rogue’ or ‘Going Rouge’

Thanks to The Nation, we find out, you can actually read about former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin “Going Rouge” next month. I can’t wait!

JACKO DEAD! Iranians suspected

Yes, it’s apparently true that the King of Pop, the King of Pedophilia, the King of Pepsi Hair Fires, the King of Perversion (got any more P-words?) is dead.

As for “Iranians suspected”?

Hey, it’s possible that Supreme Leader Ali Khatemei had Jacko (I’ve got to get “Jacko” out of my system now that he’s dead) given drugs to induce his fatal heart attack.

What better way to get the Iranian beatdown of street protestors off the front page, and, in Iran, not too long before Friday prayers?

Geez, these mullahs will stop at nothing.

Besides, if I’m going to write a New York Post header, I’m going to write a New York Post story to go under it.

Bible study – Jesus was a SOCIALIST! (I think)

No, don’t let the success theologians, or the fundamentalists and others who are willfully wedded at the hip to the GOP, tell you Jesus is a capitalist.

Beyond the fact that capitalism as we know it today didn’t exist 2,000 years ago, the bible clearly shows us Jesus is a socialist. Or even a communist, for doorknob’s sake!

Matthew 20:1-16 clearly shows that:

1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.

3"About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' 5So they went.

"He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. 6About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'

7" 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered.
"He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'

8"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'

9"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'

13"But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'

16"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

While Jesus doesn’t use Marx’s phrase, it’s arguable that Jesus had some version of “each according to his needs” in mind.

On the other hand, it’s arguable that he was an unregulated Gilded Age capitalist. If he says he has the right to pay whatever he wants, he obviously doesn’t believe in a minimum wage. By rebuking one of the early workers, he clearly doesn’t believe in unionism.

By hiring day laborers in the marketplace, he probably does believe in exploiting labor. Would probably have been OK with unrestricted illegal immigration by the Nabatean Arabs into Roman Palestine.

It’s certainly NOT arguable, though, in reference to the success theologians, that trying to make modern economic arguments and justifications from the bible is almost as inane as trying to do that by ID/creationism.

The Onion strikes again on Obama

While newspapers and MSLBs wring their hands on how people like Jon Stewart and SNL will do Obama humor, The Onion plows straight ahead.

Yeah, where IS that $85 mil?

Barack Oboner

Hey, it’s not me! It’s Jon Stewart’s latest shot at Obama humor.

On Monday night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart cut right to the chase, mocking the extensive coverage of Barack Obama's trip to Iraq. Daily Show reporters Rob Riggle, Larry Wilmore, John Oliver, Wyatt Cenac and Ed Henry all joke that they have 'a boner' for Obama and follow the campaign to the Middle East, leaving just a tape recorder tethered to a crude stand to cover McCain.

Stewart’s joke is over the media’s love-in for B.O., blogged here yesterday.

Read the full story for how the gag was spun out by Stewart et al.

The joke is not the best, but it does kill two birds with one stone — mindless Obamiacs and the mainstream media.

The idea for liberally cool whitey – Rent-A-Negro

Black friends are No. 14 among the 103 coolest things for socially conscious (or, more likely, faux-socially conscious) upper-middle-class white liberals to like, according to Christian Lamper, as I blogged here.

But, what if you don’t HAVE any black friends?

Nemo problema, thanks to Damali Ayo’s Rent-A-Negro. Need a black person to liven up the Christmas/Kwanzaa party at the environmental law office or to enliven a consciousness-raising team-building exercise at a would-be socially conscious small liberal company? Here you go!

Read Salon for more on how Ayo got started with the idea.

Note that she fits the bill perfectly for Lamper’s self-aware (or delusionally pseudo-self-aware) uppity liberal whites — Ayo even went to Sidwell Friends! Then Brown University!

Now, on Lamper’s blog, black friends is No. 14, which gay friends is only No. 88.

Oh, if only David Sedaris were black.

Maybe Lamper will make a separate category for black gay friends.

I posed that issue to both him and Sally and Johnny of Black People Love Us.