Alt-history: Kinky Friedman as Texas Gov

 

Kinky Friedman, who (in)famously, and hilariously, ran for Texas governor in 2006, and who passed away a couple of weeks ago, probably could have had the job if he had serious-ed up at some point.  That said, per that link, years of hindsight later made me realize that, at some point, he thought he might just win, that scared the hell out of him, and refusing to serious up was the antidote.

Texas Monthly offers its thought on what would have happened had he won. It first notes that he shot himself in the foot on at least one occasion when he DID get serious, per his "crackheads and thugs" comment. 

Personally, I thought he had no idea what his constituency was. If he really believed it was the Venn diagram overlap of people who wanted both legal marijuana and organized prayer in public school, it was pretty small.

And, it was pretty weird for a Jew who traded on his Jewishness to want prayer in public schools, but I digress. Back to the Monthly.

Good alt-history only changes one big thing. This changes one moderate serious one, by having state officials rule against Strayhorn Rylander on having "Grandma" as part of her ballot listing. It then moves from alt-history to alt-degeneracy with having Friedman challenge Democrat Chris Bell to a drinking contest to combine their campaigns.

After that, it gets seriously non-serious. And, so, we'll ignore analyzing that laugh track piece and look at reality.

Other than taking up the idea of Rylander not being "Grandma" (and using that to camouflage multiple marriages, too), here's the serious skinny.

It involves Kinky getting serious. Versus the other three, as I noted at the time, he had openings. Beyond that, his schtick wore thin with repetition anyway.

Other than the laugh track, per link No. 3, the first part of getting serious was, per link No. 3, figuring out your constituency. Since Kinky ran later, twice, and as a Democrat both times, that's easy. So, going more serious than the Monthly, we get Kinky to realize that Democrats don't back school prayer. But, would he have? After all, in 2006, some people were pushing him as being to the right of Tricky Ricky.

That said, alt-history also has to have some chance at really happening. Given that Kinky was still supporting prayer and the 10 Commandments in school as late as 2013, and went beyond that on religious intolerance by saying "love Jesus or go to hell," this had about as much chance as Kinky kicking away a rescue dog in Utopia. That second link in the paragraph is an adapted version of a newspaper column I wrote about his campaign. Sadly, per that first link, he almost won the Dem primary for ag secretary in 2010. (Contra Gilberto Hinojosa, skipper of the SS Texas Democratic Minnow, that's another sign of the ongoing weakness of the party statewide.)

Beyond that, the Monthly is laughable in another way. IF Kinky got just serious enough to be elected, by inciting non-Grandma and Tricky Ricky to attack each other even more, by knowing his constituency, and by belittling Bell, there would have been no second term.

First, he had no coattails, so no help in the Lege.

Because of that, the Lege would have dramatically tightened ballot petition signature rules for independent candidates. Kinky as incumbent would have gotten on the ballot again. Nobody else.

Second, the wingers would have co-opted his "five Mexican generals" on the border, or more serious versions of that.

So, the only real alt-history questions are:

1. How little would Kinky have gotten done in his solo term?

2. How badly would he have gotten crushed in 2010?

3. Who would the GOP crusher be?

That last one's the curious one.

In reality, Kay Bailey Cheerleader Hutchison challenged Tricky Ricky in the 2010 primary. Would Perry have been hors de combat after the 2006 loss, or stubborn enough to try again and possibly lose anyway? Would some other non-Bushie GOPer make the run? (In reality, Perry took 51 percent in a three-way primary. Debra Medina, No. 3, was a Tea Party nutbag.) As in, would Strangeabbott have thrust himself forward four years early? Can't see who else it would have been; John Cornyn wasn't leaving the Senate.

In this, we'll say that relative unknown Abbott has to go to a runoff against Hutchison, where he wins. Little else changes in Texas politics.

And, with all of that said, also consider this more of a takedown obit than my original.

Victories for the West Nov. 7

As one of my favorite magazines, High Country News, points out, in January, with the swearing in of Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House and Harry Reid as Senate Majority Leader, for the first time ever, Westerners will lead both houses of Congress.

But the election has many cautions.

Montana Democratic Gov. Brian Schweitzer, so heavily touted as presidential material by liberal and self-focused blogger Markos Zuniga, shows himself to be more and more an anti-environmentalist in many ways.

However, Schweitzer should beware. If a House committee chairman like arch-antienvironmentalist Dick Pombo could be beaten by a groundswell movement, Schweitzer could be unseated in a primary race.

My take on the new Senate committee chairs

The AP reports on the likely Democratic chairmen and chairwomen of Senate committees in the new Congress.

Agriculture … Harkin’s not bad, but needs to a better job of getting farm subsidies to family farmers and away from Big Ag.

Appropriations … Let’s hope Byrd doesn’t decide to exit the Senate in a pork-barrelling blaze of glory, especially if John Murtha knocks off Steny Hoyer for House Majority Leader.

Armed Services … Levin has the opportunity of turning his lawyerly acumen on to the many current problems with the Pentagon and Secretary of Defense. Unfortunately, by wanting to have the current Senate, not the new one, run the confirmation hearings for Robert Gates, he’s already had a misstep.

Banking … Chris Dodd is a Democratic senator.

Budget … Conrad is a sort of finance wonk; could be just right for this position.

Commerce … Inouye has struck me as a squish in the past on some environmental issues; hope this doesn’t carry over to the science part of this committee.

Energy … It’s good to have a New Mexican here, with oil, gas, uranium and atomic labs all in the state, and he’s at least average on renewables, too.

Environment … Hard to think of a better senator for this committee than Boxer.

Finance … Baucus has been worse than a squish on tax cuts for the rich in the past. Not good, unless Reid can sit on him.

Foreign Relations … Yuck. Joe Biden’s probably going to try to kick-start his presidential ambitions from this platform. Plus, he’s too much of a centrist internationalist for my taste in general.

Heath/Education/Labor … Old lion Ted Kennedy gets a last shot. If the Democrats can win the WH in 2008, looking down the road, you know Ted will have a national healthcare bill to report out of committee. Let’s hope he can not only pass a minimum-wage increase bill, but one with automatic COLAs built in.

Homeland Security … Good doorknob. The only worse committee for Lieberman to run would have been Foreign Relations.

Indian Affairs … Dorgan does come from a state with a large American Indian population, BUT… he took a fair chunk of money from Jack Abramoff tribal clients, before eventually returning it. Big question… does he lean on the Interior Department to finally settle the multibillion lawsuit filed by Indian tribes over royalties, assets, etc.?

Judiciary … I’m not as sold on Pat Leahy as some might be. As the story said, his problems with the Patriot Act have been with its administration, not its enactment, which doesn’t thrill me.

Rules … The Peter Principle for Feinstein

Aging … Kohl could push to revamp Medicare Part D, especially in terms of direct drug negotiation. GOP senators in “older” states up for re-election in 2008 would have to go for the ride.

Ethics … Hopefully Tim Johnson has a quiet committee

Intelligence … Jay Rockefeller repeatedly got snowed by Pat Roberts when the Republicans were in control, so much so that I wonder whether he wasn’t being willingly co-opted at times, or at least, whether he has any more backbone than Teddy Roosevelt’s infamous chocolate éclair.

Small Business … John Kerry; See Feinstein, Dianne and Peter Prinicple

Veterans Affairs … Akaka will be a solid choice. Let’s hope he keeps tabs on the VA trying to deny Iraq-related injury claims.

Overall grade? A solid B, I guess.

Sen. John Cornyn: Passing the buck on Iraq

Cornyn, in Lancaster Thursday to speak to a special joint Lancaster/Best Southwest Chamber of Commerce luncheon, repeated the standard post-election GOP talking points, plus a few more.
1. Iraq is the Democrats’ problem.

2. Nobody is talking about “stay the course” anymore.

3. Iraq part of the “war on terror,” with Cornyn carefully phrasing early comments to allow listeners to infer that he believes Iraq/Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda/Osama bin Laden were connected before Sept. 11, 2001

4. Claiming nobody expected an attack on civilians, conveniently overlooking the infamous Aug. 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing, entitled: “Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.”

I’m sure most of the audience thought every word he said was gospel truth.

Kenn George, take a look in the mirror

The Dallas County GOP head blames the Democrats’ “poisonous political atmosphere” for the Dallas County tectonic shift.

Rummy reads the tea leaves, resigns

At least SOMEBODY in the current adminstration, albeit one of the biggest fuck-ups, recognizes the depth and seriousness of the voters’ rebuke.

I think Robert Gates, should the Senate approve his nomination, will be a serious and thoughtful Secretary of Defense.

That said, he has to go through confirmation hearings. Will Democrats insist that wait until the new Senate takes power? They should.

Bush already trying to bind AND ignore Congressional Democrats

His “work with me” comments indicate that HE STILL DOESN’T GET IT if he thinks he’s the one to be setting the agenda for the next two years.

Meanwhile, White House press secretary Tony Snow (and will the WH press corps finally smack his faux “peaches and cream” demeanor around a bit) was already trying to throw Democrats under the bus.

The president has got a very active agenda for the next two years and you're going to need both parties. There has to be a calculated decision by the Democrats.

Tony, where’s Georgie-Porgie’s commitment to working with the Democrats’ agenda? (Bet nobody in the press corps calls him out on this one.)

Why can’t we get any opposed constable’s races

That’s besides the issue of why we elect constables and sheriffs as peace officers. All five Dallas County constables were unopposed in the general election.

Maybe if they were opposed, they wouldn’t be writing in-city speeding tickets so often.

Watkins wins Dallas DA

It appears Democrats are expanding their grip on Dallas County if Craig Watkins can beat Toby Shook.

Our long national nightmare may not be over, but it may have eased a little bit.

CNN officially calls the House for Democrats, as of 10:15 Central.

It looks like Democrats will take about 30 seats, maybe more, well beyond the 15 needed to take control. I’m guessing the Senate ends at 50-50 (assuming Lieberman is good to his word about caucusing with Democrats).

Election night preview — bit of irony, bit of sarcasm, or bit of both?

While the commercial networks run election coverage Tuesday night, PBS Channel-13 will run the classic movie “The Great Escape.”

I voted — or, at least I think I did

Since Texas voting machines don’t print out paper receipts, I did vote but don’t know if my vote was recorded. (Of course, a hacker could get voting machines to print out a receipt that accurately reflected your vote, while not actually recording it, I’m sure. That, in turn, makes the argument for doing things the old-fashioned way, or the new-fangled Western European way: paper ballots.)

I didn’t vote for any of the family law judges, since Texas law restricts how much judges can say about positions they would take on specific issues. (By the way, where similar laws have been challenged in other states, they have invariably been ruled unconstitutional, and rightly so.)

I want to know how either an incumbent, or a challenger, feels about specific things such as divorce, or removal of children from a family. If I can’t know that for sure, I’m not voting in that election.