To Mitch Albom: Do you actually have an opinion on steroids in baseball?

Albom, whether through writing a column weeks in advance, channeling Morrie some Tuesday, or whatever, gives us a Dallas Morning News "on the one hand, on the other hand," column rather than actually telling us how he feels? Here you go.The intro, with the first hand of his “on the one hand, is reprinted; my replies follow:

Below are two lists. Why Steroids Matter. Why Steroids Don't Matter. Get a pencil, and circle the statements you agree with.
WHY STEROIDS DON'T MATTER
• 1. It's not illegal to use them if you have a prescription.
• 2. There was no testing in baseball until a few years ago -- well after many of the athletes cited in the Mitchell Report allegedly used them.
• 3. The misconceptions about steroids are insane: When properly used, they are not health-threatening.
• 4. Athletes always try to get an edge.
• 5. What about "greenies" -- amphetamines -- which players took for years? Should every player who took them be black-marked and asterisked?
• 6. What about caffeine? Doesn't that give you an edge? Some players gulp coffee or take caffeine pills. Should they be black-marked too?
• 7. If steroids were so bad, why did coaches and managers look the other way for so long?
• 8. If steroids were such an advantage, why were many of the players in the Mitchell Report unexceptional talents, some even journeymen?
• 9. Baseball is entertainment. You pay to see a show. The summer of 1998, when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa had their record home-run chase, was a glorious time. What's bad about that?
• 10. These guys are grown men.
• 11. It's unrealistic to test every player for everything.
• 12. Human growth hormone is not an illegal steroid. You can use it if you get a prescription.
• 13. Many nonathletes swear by HGH for healing and slowing aging.
• 14. Who cares about baseball records? You can't compare eras anyhow. They used to play fewer games. Blacks weren't allowed until the 1940s. All records are relative.
• 15. The general public is sick of this story.

1. Unscrupulous docs will write unscrupulous prescriptions.
2. Lack of testing doesn't make the illegal legal.
3. Different steroids have different effects, and weren't using them for normally prescribed reasons.
4. So, we stop checking athletes?
5. Yes, so we should up enforcement and checking on amphetamines without ignoring steroids.
6. Caffeine? OK, Chuck, Mitch Albom's officially a douchbag at that point.
7. Cuz coaches want to win? Duh. Why did Belichick have a spy camera? Mitch is now douchbag squared.
8. AAA players were hoping to lock down a big-league shot.
9. More excuse-making.
10. Arguable.
11. Bullshit. Although the Olympics isn't perfect, it tests a lot more than baseball.
12. Ditto for No. 1 on prescribed steroids.
13. Just because a quack doctor makes quack claims.... how many players wear magnetic bracelets or other quackery?
14. Another non sequitur excuse
15. Sounds like the Bush Administration saying "move along" from its latest scandal.