Watson, go away — I don't want you

How does IBM's Jeopardy-playing computer, Watson, make you feel? Intrigued? Curious? Diffident? Dismissive because it can't laugh at its mistakes, or at jokes of its human competitors?

Seriously, in that area, while plenty of humans lack senses of humor, we all have the ability to be humorous, short of a mental condition such as autism. And, Watson doesn't have that.

But, that's not the reason we might want to tell Watson to go away.

Rather, what if, with its language recognition capabilities, Watson's "progeny" — Watson II, etc. — start replacing human jobs?

Don't laugh, and don't scoff, either.

Is it theoretically possible that Son of Watson could be the "person" answering the customer service phones at your bank in 20 years? Damn skippy it is.

Sure, you might have one human as backup — to one Watson that could, say, simultaneously handle 50 phone calls. Or 250.

People who have read much about artificial intelligence are familiar with the low-grade software program ELIZA, which did a crude-level mock psychologist — and got people to spill their guts to it!

ELIZA had a limited stock of canned phrases and, to anyone not in need of an ear to bend, if not full-blown counseling, its limited stock phrases and rigid responses were clear to all.

But, substitute Watson II, a machine that can understand language nuance and respond with at least a Level II or Level III canned phrase, if not something more?

What's to stop Fortune 500 companies from making such a machine the front line of their employee assistance programs?

I'm probably just scratching the surface here.

You say, "What if Watson II doesn't understand my call?"

I say, "Could it understand it worse than an outsourced worker in Mumbai?"

And, with that, note that not all customer service jobs Watson replaces will be American.

But, among American ones, I'm probably just scratching the surface.

Watson II could call you in the future asking your opinion for a Gallup Poll. For simpler products, Watson II could be your next telemarketer — no sales commissions to be paid, and no hurt feelings over phones slammed in a computer "ear."

And, lest you think I'm joking?

Claims processing is an area where Watson II "employment" is already getting serious discussion.