July 11, 2014

Hey, #DwyaneWade? #DerekJeter has a product for you; thanks, #LBJ!

Now that LeBron James has made it official about returning to Cleveland, and it looks like Chris Bosh, because of that, will accept the Houston Rockets' max contract offer at any time, the third, most aging member of formerly-in-Miami's Big Three, Dwyane Wade, has to be suffering. (Well, maybe not totally; see the update below.)


Let's be more precise.

Wade's nads have probably hit the floor as he stares at nearly $10 million a year in contract money he pissed away from his opt-out, along with the knowledge that, if Bosh is out the door, too, Miami's teh suck for next year and beyond. (How differently this would have played out if the Heat hadn't done a cheap-ass amnesty of Mike Miller last year, I don't know.)

Anyway, no worries, D-Wade.

The Cap'n's got you covered.

Or, to put it another way, Derek Jeter has something uplifting for you.

A story today has the background on Jeter's investment in a company that makes $100 junk-cooling underwear.

Actually, per their description, and per the comment of a person at NBC Sports, it sounds more like a higher-tech version of the old sock in the shorts or something.

Anyway, Dwayne, go see Jeter.

Your balls are in good hands with the Cap'n.

Come to think of that, Pat Riley's nuts are probably also dragging the floor about now.

Update: Oooohhhh, Bosh halfway bails out D-Wade and Riles by doing a max with Miami

That's OK; Wade can use Jeter's nut sling for his aching knees, or the testicles that will be dragging the floor due to knee pain.

Even with Bosh back, D-Wade can't take off 2/5 of the season next year for Miami to be in the top half of Eastern Conference playoff seedings. Note: That's all, even with Wade playing every game. If he takes off 30 games in 2014-15, the Heat are about No. 6 in the East, on the road in the first round, and likely saying bye-bye. That said, even if they are a No. 3, that will be with Wade's knees fried by the end of the regular season.

And, we're assuming Bosh can handle the pressure of being "the man" in Miami, far different than in Toronto.

So, Chris,  maybe YOU need Jeter's $100 shorts.

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