April 28, 2014

#Toyota establishing US HQ in #Texas — Texas GOP reacts

Sounds like great news for Texas, right? Thousands of non-minimum wage jobs, thousands of jobs with health insurance, coming to Texas as Toyota will create a national headquarters for its US operations in Plano.

Well, of course its great news, and so says leaders of the Texas Republican Party.

Rick Perry touted the $40 million the Texas Enterprise Fund Rick Perry is Running for Something Fund was paying for these jobs. When gently reminded that this was $8,000 a job that he was paying for insured jobs, far, far more than a 5 percent match for Obamacare Medicaid expansion, Perry said "Don't confuse me with numbers."

Ted Cruz thought about calling Rick Perry a socialist, but wasn't quite sure he wanted to go that far yet. So, amazingly, he said nothing, even as smoke coming out of his ears above his furrowed brow indicated that the idea was stuck in his melting-down brain.

John Cornyn said what Ted Cruz said because, per Lyndon Baines Johnson, Cornyn has voluntarily put his pecker in Cruz's pocket.

Louie Gohmert was put into preventative detention by Rick Perry, who was afraid Gohmert would scare the crap out of the Japanese so badly that they would renege on the deal.

Greg Abbott promised Toyota officials the new headquarters would not have to comply with Americans with Disabilities Act standards. He also promised to sue the Obama administration if it tried to force this on Toyota.

When asked how he could stand for such a double standard, he said it was a dirty liberal trick to talk about him and a  "stand"-ard for anything.

Dan Patrick said he welcomed Toyota, as long as the Japanese there were all in America legally and did not stink or contaminate America, unlike he thinks Hispanics do. Patrick did say that if Toyota were to be for getting some Ill Eagles to mow campus lawns, he'd try to remember what part of his own past to remember or not.

David Dewhurst said he was amazed that not all Japanese were short. He asked if any of them had registered to vote in the primary election runoff, to re-elect him rather than somebody worried that they might stink.

Jerry Patterson asked if Toyota had a gun-friendly culture. He promised Glocks for all if Toyota did, whipping one out of his boot while there.

Ken Paxton asked if Toyota needed to buy any construction bonds with any of that Rick Perry money He touted his under-the-table financial genius, saying he could hide money wherever it needed to be hidden.

Joe Straus wondered why he couldn't get Toyota to San Antonio.

Note: It should be obvious by now to regular readers that this is going to be a semi-regular series. It's like shooting fish in a barrel, only in the case, the fish are generally too dumb to recognize they're dead.

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