If Facebook were Microsoft

My friend Leo Lincourt has inspired me into another blog post!

In a Facebook exchange, Leo said:

Fb needs Clippy. "It looks like you're drunk posting, or need remedial language lessons. I'll just delete that for you."

And, that inspired me into more thought.

But, if Microslob has already effed up Clippy, could you imagine what Marky Mark and the Facebook Funky Bunch would do?


Dear User — this is Flippy, your personal Facebook assistant. I think you're typing on someone else's post, but, as only 16 percent of content gets shared here even with close friends, I'm not sure.

Are you:
1. Trying to play a Zynga game? Thank you; we can't afford for its stock to tank any more.
2. Wanting to "like" a corporate ad? Please make sure your share settings are set to our new "public plus" so we can send that to everybody.
3. Trying to share yet ANOTHER photo, while typing your own lame-o comment on top of it? If you're going to share, at least let the original content stand as is.
4. Trying to your own status. Is that wise? Do that many people want to read it? I mean, I'm an online collection of electrons and I'm ... Zzzzzzzz
5. Post another Snooki link? Please, you've hit your three-Snooki limit for the day and you're cut off.
6. Trying to delete your account? Silly — didn't you know you can check out but never leave at Hotel Facebook Zuckerberg?

Of course, the real Microsoft, while buggy, at least knew how to make money without being a privacy-invading rectal irritant like Facebook.