Bob Kraft pushes the Mueller report off the front page

Can we just call Kraft #DeezNuts now?

First, for people who say "journalism is dying," put a sock in it.

Yesterday, at the Jupiter PD's first presser on the the bust of massage parlors that led to today's news of the Bob Kraft arrest for soliciting prostitution, a reporter first asked if any NFL players were involved and, IIRC, got a "no." Reporter then asked if other NFL-connected people, including owners were involved and got a "no comment."

Obviously, this reporter had a tip and a good one. So did someone on Reddit Thursday. Especially since Red Satan is now having people throw stuff over the transom claiming that Kraft may not be the highest profile person involved. They may or may not be sports people, but that seems most likely. (What's even more likely is ESPN doing a big cover-up for Bob Kraft's Schweddy Balls.)

And, according to Deadspin's analysis of the probable cause affidavit, Kraft got his Schweddy Balls twice in 24 hours — once the day of the AFC title game.



Jethro Jerry Jones, who has a past shady history with easy women, is already being mocked on Twitter. I joked that Jerry didn't go himself; instead, he sent Jason Garrett to get takeout sloppy seconds for him.

And, Mr. Elin Nordigren, aka Tiger Woods, lives in Jupiter. (I don't think that Jupiter would let a declasse place like Perkins Pancakes in the city limits, so breakfast may be out of town.)

So, higher profile? Stay tuned.

(Update, March 8: The Orchids of Asia founder, who sold the biz in 2013, was at a Super Bowl watch party ... with President Trump. And, reportedly, the spa gave "wax jobs" under her ownership, too. Update March 12: She also was allegedly grifting on her Trump connections, selling Mar-a-Lago access and medium-term visas.)

Jupiter PD said a total of 25 people were caught in this bust. They also did not say, one way or the other, if this was the only bust. The story above reports that at least eight massage parlors in West Palm Beach had been targeted.

Too bad our old legal beagle, Chris Chopin, aka #ActualFlatticus, isn't still alive. He'd surely be on the case, having lived in West Palm and fighting for some sort of truth, justice and the Flatty way.

Unless his dad, Trump lover L. Frank Chopin, is involved.

More more seriously, while I'm not sure we should have blanket decriminalization of prostitution, I am at least open to the idea.

As for rumors on Red Satan that Kraft might not be the biggest get? Florida officials have rejected that. For all I know, it might be ESPN whitewashing to have floated that claim.

That said, the link above notes that the warrant is "non-extraditable." In other words, as long as Bob Kraft doesn't visit Florida again, nothing could be done to him.

Reality? This will die down and at some point in the future, Kraft will quietly accept a deferred adjudication offer and everybody will move on.

(Update, March 19: Or, Kraft will get offered the equivalent of deferred adjudication with no deferment. What's stopping his lawyer from taking the offer? Oh, and did Kraft pay for a prosecutor's kids to go to the front of the line at Princeton, a la the college cheating scandal? Well, maybe neither. In what's not totally shocking, as of March 20, apparently Kraft has decided he can beat the rap and outspend prosecutors. He's filed to have the evidence quashed. He reportedly doesn't want the tie to sex trafficking in any way, any how. He also doesn't want the video released; sorry, but I agree with the sheriff, both as a private citizen and someone in the media. It's a public record now. Period.

Update, March 23: Kraft has now released a statement that "I am truly sorry [I got caught]." And, Deadspin gets as smug about "everybody (falling) for Robert Kraft's 'apology'" as the ESPN it likes to ridicule. I, in turn, like ridiculing Deadspin for stuff like this.)

Update, April 3: Kraft is the gift of rich insolence that keeps on giving, now officially alleging an illegal search. And, like the kid who kills his parents then throws himself on the mercy of the court as an orphan, his legal beagles claim Jupiter police, at the same time, had enough evidence to shut Orchids of Asia before he was arrested.

Update, April 5: Well, per USA Today, Kraft's lawyers may damned well have case, if their claim is correct. Using a fake bomb threat to get into Orchids of Asia to install spy cams, especially if a trafficking claim was connected? Quash the indictment — but, of course, not just for Kraft but everybody.

That said, this still shows why there's two levels of justice in America. Some poor shlub could never afford legal beagles to nail that down.

Side note: The type of warrant involved became allowable after the Patriot Act. Thanks Shrub for creating it. Thanks Dear Leader and Dem Congresscritters for not repealing it.