Who stole Tom Brady's jersey — allegedly worth $500K? (found!)

Tom Brady

A rundown of the story to date on who apparently stole the jersey Tom Brady wore in Super Bowl 51. (And one from his previous SB 49 win.)

Update, March 20: Found! And, per an NFL presser? A "credentialed member of the international media" is reportedly involved. Oops! I guess Brady's friend Trump will have to block entry into the US of international media. That said, this was hinted at (less the "international" part) six weeks ago.

More from ESPN — as the Eff Bee Eye investigates, it appears that one of them Mezzicans may have been the thief! An former editor with paper Diario La Prensa is reportedly being eyed, and the jerseys were found down there.

Add in that FBI head cheese James Comey just told Congress today that he hates the Patriots and we got us a conspiracy theory cooking!

James Comey says during congressional hearing that he hates the New England Patriots. #ComeyHearing 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Zu31UyotUa

— The Shadow League (@ShadowLeagueTSL) March 20, 2017

That said, I have a further tie-in.

Aaron Hernandez is Hispanic, right? On trial for murder right now, right? Needs money for trial lawyers, right? Possibly still able to access the Pats' locker rooms, right?

Surely he'd have motive to steal Brady's jerseys and sell them to fellow Hispanic Mezzican reporter guy, right?

(This relates someone to my update, Feb. 9: Oooppssss? It appears maybe the jersey wasn't stolen after all, possibly just misplaced. And, is Tom Terrific taking a page from his BFF Donald Trump about the ebil media?

“I went in to take my eye black off and they had opened up [the locker room] to, I don’t know, the media,” he said Monday on WEEI. “And I walked back to my bag and it was gone. Same thing happened two years ago [in the Super Bowl against Seattle]. That sucks, but, oh well.”

Well, there you go. The haters in the non-New England media did it.)

Now, why can't even the Texas Rangers find it? Maybe a transgender person took it into the bathroom not of his or her alleged "biological" sex, so the Rangers, following on Lite Guv Danny Goeb, are befuddled.

Update, Feb. 21: Yes, per the header, that piece of cloth is allegedly worth $500,000. If Houston cops really think it is, and Brady's boo-hooing that much, then pony up some reward money!

That said, that baby's impossible to resell now except on the totally black market now. Maybe the thief just wanted a souvenir, but if he or she wanted money, not at all likely now.

Of course, there is one other option, as NFL staff were in that locker room too.

Roger Goodell did it, as a last pound of flesh!

Other possible thieves?

Tony Dungy for being accused of cheating by Deion Sanders.

Deion, to set up the story.

Bob Kraft, to make Goodell look bad.

Bill Belichick, to set up a rallying cry for next year.

Dan Patrick (the Lite Guv known as Danny Goeb, not the sports guy), to promote the bathroom bill.

Meanwhile, as of Feb. 13, it appears that the game ball from James White's winning touchdown was never lost in the first place.