1. The media has condemned me.
2. I bear the #FakeNews cross.
3. I need my cracker before I fall.
4. I met myself.
5. Pence will carry this fucking cross.
6. Veronica is sitting on my face (and telling me that she loves me).
7. Celebrity Jesus Apprentice, that's me. Or maybe it's him. I'm the final prophet.
8. Met Bibi in Jerusalem.
9. Two Corinthians says the world will fall for me.
10. Sold my undies for bigger tax write-off than Bill and Hillary.
11. #MAGA nailed it!
12. Die? I'm TRUMP!
13. Hannity takes me on his show.
14. They place me in O'Reilly's man cave. Loofahs for all in three days!
There's also surely a joke or six about the Tenebrae. Trump's thought processes have been self-extinguished from outside illumination for some time. But he's not a penitent, let alone a flagellating member of the Penitentes, at all.
And for Dan Patrick:
I have a GREAT idea for #GoodFriday and #EasterSunday. You sign yourself up for a #DeathPanel, take action today, and see if the economy is resurrected in three days, OK?
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