Halloween urban legend time!

Ooohhh, we could start new urban legends?

Why not, since schools are cancelling Halloween events either from costume safety worries, food safety worries, or church-state issues, on the ground Halloween promotes religion. (Yes, mush-headed school administrators, you're actually right, there. Today's version of Halloween does promote the religion of hypercapitalism, aka Mammon.

"Daddy, is it true that bad people stick peanuts in Halloween candy to make them go into anaphylactic shock?"

(And, I could up this story one further, too.)

"Daddy, is it true that bad people put wheat gluten inside apples to make them go into celiac attack so they have to have intestinal quadruple bypass surgery?"

(Or, I could up this story TWO further.)

Picture young Evan Joseph McCarthy, talking to mom Jenny about trick-or-treating:

"Mommy, is it true that bad people put wheat gluten inside apples to give you autism? Is it true that people hide needles tainted with thiomersal inside candy to give you autism?"

Actually, Jenny McCarthy showing up at my house dressed as herself, today, would probably scare me. Not because she's ugly, but because I would know a torrent of nonsense was about to come out of her mouth.

So, let's have more.

"Mommy, it is true that a galloping horseman, man and horse both rabidly foaming at the mouth, might take his head off and throw it at me in the middle of a dark country night?"

Well, kind of, darling daughter. But Ted Cruz does that all that time, not just on dark country nights.

Meanwhile, from the college world, political correctness on Halloween costumes is even worse than at the K-12 level perhaps.

Don't wear any costume that portrays any group as overly sexualized? Or otherwise even starts to play into stereotypes? Nth-wave feminists, whether inside the Atheism Plus movement or not, probably love this one.

"Mom, is it true that if I wear the wrong Halloween costume at Big State U., I'm guilty of 'privilege'?"

"Sorry, dear, but yes you are. That includes being in a costume with those old 'mom jeans.'"

Speaking of the Atheism Plusers, what if someone like that showed up in a costume that fueled religious stereotypes? Or a Christian fundamentalist did similar in a costume that fueled stereotypes of non-Christian religions?

Oh, and on the lighter side? Parents, when you want to have fun after you do your post-Halloween candy theft from your kids?

Blame the chupacabra.

Have fun trick or treating!