Childhood abuses: Survivors vs. victims

I am not a victim (any more) of the various “slings and arrows of an outrageous childhood,” to riff on Shakespeare — I am a survivor. None of my previous personal posts have been meant to convey that I am a victim, let alone a “martyr.”

That includes my mentioning of my diagnosis several years ago with post-traumatic stress disorder. Rather, that was meant to explain a little more about “where I come from”; in other words, it’s a request for understanding, as have been the other more personal posts I have made here. With PTSD, it’s the same request as adult veterans of combat, especially hairy combat that can trigger PTSD for them; I just say I fought in a different war.

That said, it’s my impression that a lot of people are afraid to talk about, face, think about or feel about child abuse in its various forms, sexual abuse above all. Perhaps they’re afraid of seeing or hearing about its ugliness, especially if they know the adult survivor personally.

If I wanted to talk about ugliness with more personal detail, I could, but this is not the place to do into detail, for self-protection; nor do I have a desire to “get in anybody’s face.” Between professionals, group support and close friends who have listened without “flinching,” I have the avenues I need to talk, and talk through, issues in detail.

That then said, to people who may not be so comfortable with this type of talk, about physical, emotional and especially sexual abuse — I encourage you to open the door a little bit more. I’m not asking anybody to go out and buy some trauma recovery books or anything like that; I’m just hoping a few more people can face more of the more tragic realities of life without “flinching.”

And that’s not necessarily for my sake, especially for more casual readers here. You may never know when such openness comes in handy elsewhere in your life, though.

Finally, the question of why some, not others. Why do some people react more strongly and bear more scars from abuse?

Part of it is a genetic influence on temperament. In my case, it seems clear that a high anxiety thermostat runs through my dad’s side of the family, back further into Snyder males.

Of course, so does alcoholism, which raises other questions.

The other main factors as to why some are hurt worse by child abuse appear to be primarily based on the abuse itself. How severe was it, how chronic/ongoing was it, and how early did it start are the biggies.

Let’s just say that PTSD isn’t likely to develop from a one-time, relatively mild incident later in childhood.

With that, while I continue more personal posts for a while, I’ll be headed back to more political posting down the road. For obvious reasons, not much of it will be about where I am at now.