Starting to feel better, or at least back to more of an equilibrium

First and foremost: Thank you to those of you who have listened to me via either e-mail or phone the past 10 days; you have been very helpful.

I used the word “shellshocked” with a couple of people. That’s what PTSD can do, it seems, when enough anxiety hits the table. I just had a different “war” in life than Iraq. Not meaning this to sound like self-pity, but I thought it was just an insurance billing diagnosis 8 years ago. Probably not, as I’ve learned since then.

A day of sun here helped a lot. So, too, does having my oven, not just stovetop, fixed and working. Those of you who know me better know how much I like to bake.

Now that I’m doing that, and otherwise feel a little better, I hope I stop losing weight.

For the one friend who made a comment to me about lightening up, in reference to something else, I’ve had enough of that. I’ve probably dropped a good dozen pounds in the last two and a half weeks, from my last week in Lancaster to now. And those of you who know me, know I don’t carry weight around like spare change.

Between that, and food not tasting like food last week, I was concerned, because I know what those two things are signs of. But, I seemed to have weathered the most acute emotional storms, so here we are.

Clinical depression when one is single and on one’s own just isn’t an “option.” I don’t mean that to extol some mystical triumph of the will, just that I can’t let it happen. So, I’ve been walking even more than normal, plus upping my amount of over the counter supplements to help fight anxiety and other issues.

That said, as I’ve told a couple of people, I expect to have a more chronic, if you will, emotional “trial by fire.”

I haven’t felt this way since I moved to Jacksboro, Texas, a little more than 8 years ago.

Those of you who know me really well know of a life change at that time; those of you who really, really, know me well know one other huge psychological change, or mental change, that hit me as a result of that.

This isn’t like that; but, it can be a time of personal development if I use it right, a time of change and growth.

And, with that thought, I’m sure I’ll be leaning on people… no, make that opening up to people, more as I need to, or as I want to.