Will Texas get Kinky Nov. 7?

Adapted from my Sept. 21 Today Newspapers column.

Texas is arguably seeing its most interesting gubernatorial race since the days of Ma and Pa Ferguson back in the 1920s.

Take a look at what we’ve got.

First is a blood feud match between the man that some of us progressives at times think almost makes President Bush look competent, Gov. Rick Perry, aka Gov. Helmethair, and the “one tough grandma,” whom you expect to see be pistol packing along with mouth shooting, Carole Keeton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn etc.

Next, you have a Democrat, Chris “Verizon” Bell (can you hear me now?), whom one would think ordinary be drooling at what is in essence, to some degree an intra-Republican fight as well as a personal steel death cage match. But, the man with a down-home ethical sincerity level not often seen in politics also seems to have a political personality that engages about as well as a blown clutch on a ’63 Chevy pickup.

When big-time Democratic campaign donors like trial lawyers appear to think the same thing, and to think it enough to make out their checks to Grandma instead of Verizon (although that is changing somewhat), you know that you’re not a “buy” in the political futures market, although that’s started changing recently.

And then you have Kinky — Kinky (“Sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar”) Friedman, author, musician and all-around raconteur, trying to break through the good ol’ boys and good ol’ girls with a refreshingly different campaign, albeit one that is threatening to somehow become more repetitive and more incomprehensible at the same time.

Now, whether Kinky is the answer or not, obviously the other folks are worried about him. Bell, perhaps worried about finishing fourth, seems to be the leading sniper, but Kinky is his primary target for getting votes anyway, especially as Bell shows Friedman is a hard-core conservative inside his populist schitck. However, the Perry and Strayhorn camps have started taking at least an occasional shot at the ol’ Kinkster, too.

One thing is for sure. With Kinky in the race, the state won’t have an abysmal voter turnout like it did in the 2002 general election.

As with many political race, at times it seems like this is the lesser of two, er least of four, evils, type of election.

Perry is beholden to special interests too thick to count. Among those with the deepest pockets are Cintas, the Spanish construction firm wanting to do partnership business in Texas as Cintas-Zachry, to build the state-long Trans-Texas Corridor toll road. Not all of Perry’s beholden interests are those with deep pockets, though. Or, at least, they aren’t first thought of for their deep pockets.

People who are concerned about First Amendment religious liberties issues note that Perry has jumped in bed with the Religious Right to a degree and in a way that practically makes George W. Bush look chaste in comparison.

And, speaking of that, you know that if Perry wins, he’s going to get talked up for national office in 2008. That’s even though there’s been no advance groundswell for him like Bush had in 1998.

Strayhorn? If it weren’t a blood feud, started when Perry pushed the Legislature to clip some of the Comptroller’s Office’s powers, what else would it be? And, do we really want someone who claims she can win the general election but was afraid to battle Perry in the Republican primary? And Strayhorn has already burned enough bridges with the Legislature, not just Perry, that she might have trouble being an effective governor.

(And, speaking of that, what’s with Chicken Little GOP women politicians over Perry? First, it was our Head Cheerleader, Kay Bailey Hutchison, ducking a prize fight with Rappin’ Rick, despite her snow job that it was because she really just wanted to best serve Texans in the Senate. Then, it’s Left Cross Grandma deciding a primary dropout is the better part of valor.)

Beyond sparring with Perry over some financial accountability issues, until the TTC hit the fan, her only real disagreements with the governor were personal, not political. As for TTC, and some disagreements on TAKS or other education issues, there’s non-Republican choices rather than trying to decide which of two Republicans to select.

Chris Bell? Nice man, from what I see. Decent. Ethical. Ethical enough to force both the Republicans and Democrats in the House of Representatives to break their sit-on-their-hands see-no-evil stance on the House Ethics Committee and actually censure the now-resigned, now-fallen Rep. Tom DeLay. He did also get some reputation for trying to improve political ethics while on the Houston City Council.

But, besides his charisma deficiency, can anybody really name anything else he has done in politics? Granted, cleaning up political ethics is good work, and hard work, in and of itself. And, he’s starting to get some traction out of the issue of underfunding of Texas state parks.

But, within Texas Democrats, he’s arguably on the conservative side; his work as a scheduler for Republican lieutenant governor candidate Rob Mosbacher in 1994, even if working at Mosbacher Energy at the time, should underscore that.

On the plus side, as a former journalist, one would hope that a Gov. Bell would continue to stress ethics, and open government as well.

And, that leaves Kinky Friedman, former headliner for the Texas Jewboys and murder mystery writer. Jokes aside about him bringing kosher government to the state, his own words perhaps say it best, when he said, “Can I screw it up any worse?” Probably not.

That said, as a populist-type candidate, Kinky has positions that haven’t totally meshed with each other, and some that are as inconsistent with each other, in their own ways, as those of career politicians.

Comparisons with former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura end here. Ventura had been mayor of a Minneapolis suburb before running for Congress. While his positions also weren’t totally coherent, he usually had more organization behind them.

But, Friedman may be right, contrary to big media assessments here in Texas. Maybe he can’t screw up any worse. Or maybe people are so tired of Texas politics and lame two-party candidates not to care.

As for some people saying they’re offended by his language, have these people said anything about that of President Bush or Vice President Cheney? Uh-huh.

Yet, Friedman at times sounds like he’s pandering so much to religious conservatives to get snuggly with them that he threatens to make Perry look chaste.

And he certainly doesn’t understand the First Amendment, nor 40 years of Supreme Court rulings, with wanting prayer, and the Ten Commandments, in public schools.
Even worse, his recent Kilgore comment that “If you don’t love Jesus, go to hell,” shows that this man is anything but inclusive.

Kinky Friedman is no progressive.

And, if you can’t even win a small-town, small-county race (Kinky lost a 1986 justice of the peace election in Kerrville), how do you expect your populist schtick to do anything statewide, without substantive ideas behind it?

In any case, here’s how I see the race going down to the wire.

Perry’s got a big war chest. Saturation TV, radio and print ads will be coming out the wazoo soon.

Strayhorn? If her fourth-place standing continues much longer, the Democratic trial lawyers’ checks will dry up more and more. Look for her to up the personal nature of the attacks. Her campaign, more than any of the other challengers, has to be geared specifically against Perry.

Bell? If a corpse can indeed pull 40 percent of the vote from the Texas Democratic base (see Tony Sanchez, 2002), he could win a four-way race, especially if some of Grandma’s traditional Democratic donors start returning home to roost. If nothing else, if a corpse actually can pull that 40 percent, then Verizon Bell might be living proof of that.

Kinky? He has to hope that Strayhorn hits harder as she continues to trail, and that Bell and Perry turn the snipers on each other as they try to narrow things to a two-person race.

Nov. 7, will we stay the course, seat a Democrat, or see a cigar-chompin’ dark horse charging hard up the rail, if he doesn’t keep tripping over his own hooves?

Stay tuned.