O'Reilly and the pseudo-War on Christmas

The spirit of Christmas, like the celebration of any other holiday, is always an inside job.

That’s why I find this recent political spin from Bill O’Reilly and the “we distort, you deride” folks at Fox News, and their fellow travelers, to be laughable until I look past that to the hypocritical. (The Fox network had a “holiday” party, not a “Christmas” party; apparently that didn’t stop O’Reilly from going.)

But let’s take just a bit of a further look at some of the claims by O’Reilly and his fellow travelers, above all their attack-dog comments about stores that say “Happy Holidays” and not “Merry Christmas.”

First of all, if you’re really pinning your pining for the “true meaning of Christmas” on the overworked, underpaid lips of some Target or Wal-Mart clerk, whose corporate bosses’ idea of rosy-red Christmas cheer is the red on your credit card statement, well, you probably couldn’t find the true meaning of Christmas or any religious or secular moment if it bit you or if you grabbed it with both hands.

The Jesus of the Bible chased the moneylenders out of the Temple rather than citing their extortionism, or the greed behind it, as example of communal social and moral values. He also pointed to a God who forbade his people from charging usurious interest, which is certainly what you get when you don’t pay off your credit card bill ASAP.

This same Jesus was also of the spirit that your Yes should be Yes and your words trusted enough that you can say that, which the Plano School District can tell you has escaped O’Reilly.

And, that very same Jesus also told his followers to “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and render unto God what is God’s.” That would suggest that the Republican Congressmen whom O’Reilly served have missed the boat by politicizing an nonexistent “attack on Christmas” in the first place. That would be the same set of Republicans who had no problem “protecting” Christmas while at the same time denying “protection” to Hanukkah on the floor of the House of Representatives Dec. 14.

As far as what that Target or WallyWorld greeter says, the corporate masters will have him or her say whatever most fattens the corporate bottom line. If the Bentonville lackeys of the Walton second generation thought that the phrase “Splendiferous Saturnalia” would sell more made-in-China tchotchkes, the word would be on the lips of every greeter from Lancaster, Texas through Lancaster, Pa., to Lancaster, England.

In any case, contrary to the febrile imaginings of O’Reilly, there is no quasi-Bilderberger confab of American retail executives, no coffee klatch vote to ram “Happy Holidays” down American throats. As this nation is still theoretically well over 80 percent Christian, it can’t be that type of conspiracy.

Beyond that, if you really want to worry about ethical uprightness at the nearest retail store, my personal first suggestion would be, “If it’s made in China, don’t buy it. You don’t know who made it and under what conditions.”

Besides, as Ron Carlson makes clear this week in his church column — this is America, the land of millions of choices. That includes the choice to be responsible for many things, including one’s own happiness and one’s own inner mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

If you hear some Wal-Mart drone bee say “Happy Holidays,” and you don’t like it, you’re free to counter with “Merry Christmas.” Or to complain to the boss. Or to go to Target.

Many Christian denominations didn’t even celebrate Christmas a century ago. Some still don’t celebrate it today.

Whether it was over concern that the observance was still too “popish,” or a desire to do the equivalent of praying in their closets in secret, they’ve probably kept more of the Christmas spirit of their belief burning inside than many other people have outside.

Finally, to riff on the book of Acts, and update the words of the Pharisee Gamaliel: “If this Christmas thing is really religious and not about partisan political point-making or crass capitalist commercialism, it will succeed. If not, it will fail.”

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or … Splendiferous Saturnalia.