March 26, 2014

Texas GOP politicians respond to Houston Ship Channel oil spil

Rick Perry says this will create new jobs in Texas. In case it won't, he offers Texas Enterprise Fund millions to whoever can pretend to actually make that happen.

Ted Cruz blames Obama and says that worrying about oil spill cleanup is socialism.

John Cornyn repeats what Ted Cruz said because, per LBJ, Cornyn has voluntarily put his pecker in Cruz's pocket.

Louie Gohmert says that Obama hired nude gay Satanists to cause this, because Gohmert is tired of Cruz inhaling all the nutbar oxygen.

Greg Abbott says he'll sue Obama over it, because it's been a week since he threatened to sue Obama. When asked how he can stand this happening, Abbott says that's a PC dirty trick, to ask him to stand for anything. He then says he can get women to do the cleanup for 30 percent less, because they're not good negotiators. He also said it was untrue that he had heard that Barbie hair was an effective oil sponge.

Dan Patrick says he can get some Ill Eagles to clean it up for cheap, as long as none of them wants to return home then come back, or put anything in writing.

David Dewhurst says he agreed with all of the above in spades, because Ted Cruz put the Dew's pecker into a pig in a blanket 2 years ago.

Jerry Patterson whips his hogleg out of his boot and starts shooting at the oil spill.

Joe Straus says to himself that he sure hope Democrats unite with the few non-nutbar GOPers in the House to re-elect him as speaker.

John Carona says to himself that maybe he should be thankful he lost his state Senate primary to Don Huffines.

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