February 26, 2012

He died at fifty


That’s what a memorial said aboard the old-time train.
No cause of death listed.
Just that he died at fifty.
Did he feel old? Worn-out?
Or did he just … die unexpectedly?
Sometimes, at age forty-eight
I feel “older,” at least,
And definitely worn-out on occasion.
Especially recently.
Internalizing criticism,
When it’s not totally valid
Or overblown relative to the situation,
Can do that to a person,
Especially one sensitive in general
(Though not perfect
About being sensitive to others)
And sensitive to yelling in particular,
As well as sensitive to crazy-making.

What if he, too, finally just wore out?
It’s one thing to die young, or younger,
It’s another yet to die younger
With the end of one’s life
Becoming one massive burden.
And nobody noticed, and he said nothing
Until too late.

What if that’s me?
– Feb. 26, 2012

No comments: